Friday Funny

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, (well shyness anyway) and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and NakedTwister.

Tequila. Leave Shyness Behind.

How Long Do We Have?

About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new >constitution in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the >University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian >Republic some 2,000 years earlier:>>

'A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government.'

'A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury.'

'From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates >who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.'

'The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years' During those 200 years, those nations always progressed through the following sequence:

1. >From bondage to spiritual faith;>>

2. >From spiritual faith to great courage;>>

3. >From courage to liberty;>>

4. >From liberty to abundance;>>

5. >From abundance to complacency;>>

6. >From complacency to apathy;>>

7. >From apathy to dependence;>>

8. >From dependence back into bondage'>>

Professor Joseph Olson of Hemline University School of Law, St. >Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts concerning the 2000 >Presidential election:>>

Number of States won by:> Gore: 19> Bush: 29>> Square miles of land won by:> Gore: 580,000> Bush: 2,427,000>> Population of counties won by:> Gore: 127 million> Bush: 143 million>> Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by:> Gore: 13.2> Bush: 2.1>>

Professor Olson adds: 'In aggregate, the map of the territory Bush >won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of this great >country. Gore's territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in >government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government >welfare...' Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the >'complacency and apathy' phase of Professor Tyler's definition of >democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already >having reached the 'governmental dependency' phase. If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegal and they vote, then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.

Apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.>> Thanks for reading.

Love Song

For you Red!!

God?

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
>
> My confession:
>
> I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
>
> It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
>
> I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
>
> Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
>
> In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
>
> Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are,but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
>
> In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
> Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
>
> Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
>
> Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
>
> Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
>
> Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
>
> Are you laughing?
>
> Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
>
> Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
>
> Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My Best Regards.
> Honestly and respectfully,
>
> Ben Stein

Bad Day!!!

I rear-ended a car this morning...

I tell you, it was going to be a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

That's how the fight started...